We are a friendly and long established cycling club based in South London between Croydon, Surrey and Bromley, Kent. Find out more here

Cycle Analysis - Old Ports Reliability Ride
22 December
Monday morning, Feel Good cafe, West Wickham. Two cyclists are meeting for coffee. Their bikes are propped against the window. Helmets and gloves are stowed beneath their chairs. Outside it is windy with a light drizzle. Inside it is warm and the light lemon drizzle cake is soft and still warm. Coffee steams. The two cyclists discuss their week-end.

'How was it then?'

'Rubbish, one all. Aguerro got a late equaliser.'

'Not the football. The reliability, you know the Old Ports reliability.'

'Oh that. Yeah, it was great.'


'And what?'

'Details, man, how 'bout some details?'

'Well. It was sunny and bright with blue sky, cold but not cold if you know what I mean. Must of been oh, 150 riders, maybe more. It's a bugger of a route - 100k, lotta climbing, lotta climbing.'

'Who was there?'

'Oh, there was loads - Meridian, Avanti, Kingston Wheelers. Big Foot, Phoenix, De Ver, lot of Oxted, Catford, Beckenham Rugby Club, Brixton, Kent Velo Girls, West Kent, South Eastern, Sydenham Wheelers, Dulwich Paragon, loads.'

'How much was it?'

'It's only a fiver man, I couldn't believe it, still only a fiver. And at the end, bacon rolls for a pound and tea and cakes at 50p. Fab cakes 'n all. I mean, you can't say fairer than that.'

'You can't say fairer than that.'

'And at the Ashdown there was tea and fig rolls, home made banana cake, brownies to die for, blueberry muffins, bread and butter pudding, Haribo - you know those rubbish ones you get in a packet when you buy something from Wiggle? I tell ya, someone's done a lot of shopping at Wiggle, get all of them.'

'You can buy them in the shops, you know.'

'And jelly babies and the sharp ones - what are they called? Tango?

'Tango? That's a drink.'

'No, they're like sweets, chewy sweets, Tang something.'


'Tang what?'

'Tangfastics. They're Haribo too. They're like... tangy.'

'Yeah?' Anyway, them.'

'I love Tangfastics. I should have gone.'

'Me too. One thing, though.'

'What's that?'

'I couldn't have a pee.'


'No, I couldn't have a pee at the tea stop. They had all these signs, you know - 'no toilets.'

'Well, it's not a toilet, is it? It's a tea stop. They don't want pee everywhere. it's a tea stop, not a pee stop.'

'Good point. Still...and then Toys! Oh man, I couldn't believe it. Killer. But good though, you know what I mean?'

'Yeah. Good killer, not bad killer. Like sick.'

'I wasn't sick. So, where were you then?'


'Yesterday. You were gonna come.'

'I know.'


'You know, this 'n that. Are they doing it next year?'

'Yeah. It's an annual event, so they gotta do it every year.'

'I'll definitely do it then. When is it? And will it still be only a fiver?'

'Sunday, 4 February, Knockholt Village Hall. And yeah, still only a fiver plus an extra pound for charity in memory of James Staples, an Old Port who passed away in 2017.  

'Defo then. Count me in.'

'You coming then?'

'Yeah. You out tomorrow?'

'Prolly. Usual place?'

'Yeah. Bi-annual - is that twice a year or every 2 years? I can never remember.'

'I think it's every 2 years. Like you know, flowers.'

'What's it called if it's every 6 months then?'

'Dunno. Every 6 months I think.'

'Makes sense.'

'See ya.'

'See ya.'

The 2018 Old Ports Reliability ride is on Sunday 4 February at Knockholt Village Hall. (Entry is still only a fiver plus an extra pound for charity in memory of James Staples).

The views of Lanterne Rouge are his own and do not reflect the club, the committee or any particular member. LR wishes all members and readers a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and looks forward to a clean 2018 cycling season.  

Lanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Old Ports Reliability Ride22 DecemberLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Chris Froome - puff the Magic Dragon14 DecemberLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Britain's Cycling Superheroes: the Price of Success20 NovemberLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Le Ride10 NovemberLanterne Rouge
Old Portlians CC 96th Annual Dinner and Prize Presentation 11 NovemberDave Hickman
Anquetil, Alone by Paul Fournel08 OctoberLanterne Rouge
Bash's Memorial Ride pix02 OctoberKev
Memorial ride and memorial for Ian Bashford - 30 September 201730 AugustJulian Hutchings - Club Secretary
Club etiquette, guidance and advice16 AugustLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Tour de France 201728 JulyLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Bike Nation by Peter Walker19 JulyLanterne Rouge
Pix from Track Day17 JulyKev
Cycle Analysis - Tangfastic16 JulyLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - 9 cycling books that are worth reading16 AprilLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Cycling Monologues16 AprilLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Cycling Monologues16 MarchLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Jargon Buster pt 316 MarchLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Jargon Buster16 FebruaryLanterne Rouge
Cycle Analysis - Cycling Monologues16 FebruaryLanterne Rouge
Cervelo S2 frame and forks
Hi Hugh, I've sent you photos; have you not receiv....
12th Jan, 22:15
Membership Fees 2018
[b:2f76772t][color=#FF0000:2f76772t]Membership fee....
9th Jan, 13:12
Hell of the Ashdown - 18 February 2018
Here is a List of OPCC Members i have found on HOT....
4th Jan, 12:08
Happy New Year
Let me be the first to wish all club members a ver....
31st Dec, 17:14
Chris Froome
Good article I thought.....and Andy's comments on....
[Dave Hickman]
16th Dec, 13:35
World Cycling Revival - a unique chance
Thanks for putting this up Nigel, I have to say , ....
[gary blunt]
13th Dec, 22:54
Ian Bashford
I have heard from Beverly, Ian's widow, who has be....
6th Dec, 14:09
Ian Bashford
I have heard from Beverly, Ian's widow, who has be....
6th Dec, 14:06
Curry night -
Yep. Not going to Curry House though I dont like....
[gary blunt]
23rd Nov, 13:04
James Staples
Today Iain attended James' funeral and through the....
22nd Nov, 17:59